Test Subject 1: Standard Twinkie|
Test Subject 2: Lovett College Sophomore
Control Subject: Standard Twinkie
Test Location: 4th floor room, Lovett College, Rice University
Start Time: Tuesday, May 2, 1995 21:21 CST
Stop Time: Wednesday, May 3,1995 21:50 CST
This test was designed to test whether Twinkies are intelligent. We
decided to do this test last, because we "killed" a lot of Twinkies during
these experiments, and didn't want to know before the other tests were over
if they were sentient.
This test was a slightly modified version of the Turing test, designed to check computers for artificial intellegence (AI). The theory is that if you ask questions by typing on a computer keyboard and cannot distinguish whether the responses come from a human on the other end, or a computer program, then the program is artificially intelligent.
Before the test, the Twinkie was relatively quiet, and the Lovett sophomore was confused by the whole thing. One typical statement was, "Wait, you're testing to see if a Twinkie is intelligent?"
The human and Twinkie subjects were placed together behind a sheet (see Fig. 1). The sentient nature of the human subject was at this point brought into question. When asked to assign himself and the Twinkie the designations A & B without telling us which was which, the human promptly replied "I'll be A." However, we decided to continue the test.
The following four questions were asked, and each subject was allowed to answer. The order of answers alternated to balance out the "thinking" time.
Next, some free association was done on each of the subjects.
Long Term Results:
After the test was over, our human subject was allowed to eat the Twinkie subject. After he departed, we analyzed the data. After careful study of all responses, we determined that subject A was the Twinkie, and B was the human.
Since we were able to distinguish between the two subjects, the Twinkie fails the Turing test.
|Twinkies are not sentient in any way we can understand.|
|If you want to amuse your friends, perform this test with them and a Twinkie. They will either think you are very weird and never talk to you again, or they will enjoy the humor of it all and get a tasty snack treat to boot!|